I’ve had this blog post forming in my mind for a long time. It’s uncomfortable–vulnerable–to share with you all. But I just know: surely there are others who have or are experiencing what I have been through, and I wanted to write this for you. Because I know it’s a message that I desperately needed to hear in those times, too.
I’ve been through two significant seasons in my business where, quite honestly, I just wanted to quit. And not because I no longer loved what I did…the worst part was that I loved it, yet I had to face the reality that I might not have the capacity (emotionally and economically) to keep going.
Interestingly, both of these seasons came when I least expected them. Things were good! I was basking in success and reaping the harvest from the hard and intentional work done in years prior. And then, quite suddenly, it stopped.
With time, I’ve been able to look back and point to outside factors that make some logical sense to why. But even now, there are things I have no real explanation for other than that it was hard, it sucked, and it happened. Twice. And, if I’ve learned anything, it’s that it’s probably not the last time.
I think one of the hardest things about being an entrepreneur, carving out your way and bearing your heart in the process, is that the failure feels so, so personal. And though I’ve come a long way in being able to externalize the obstacles I face, the reality is that I can’t completely escape the pain of it.
I think it’s the reality that creating (in any capacity) is an expression of a person and that is vulnerable.
And it sucks–really, really sucks–when there is either silence or direct opposition (I’ve had both) that follow the release and exhibition of that creation. I know because I have walked it. And it’s absolutely defeating and soul-crushing.
But I’ll tell you something. In the midst of this struggle, something really beautiful emerges.
It’s after these bewildering seasons that I’ve seen the most growth. Those dark times have uncovered some of the most important truths for me, personally: where my value lies and who my Provider is. And, these seasons have uncovered my best work.
Success is easy. It’s easy because it’s comfortable. but the discomfort of failure has the opportunity to change you. Both of these seasons have stripped me and opened my eyes to the things I truly value and hold to. They’ve produced a strength I didn’t know I had. They’ve refined the vision I have for my life and for my work.
Despite all the tears (and trust me, there were many!) I’m so glad I chose to keep going. Some days this meant taking the smallest, tiniest step forward. Other days it meant taking a giant risk. Even some days, it meant taking time to stop and just breathe. But, I’m so, so glad I didn’t quit.
And friend, if you’re in this place, I hope you continue forward too. Because you matter and God has made you with and for purpose. The world isn’t blessed by us hiding our gifts.
Here with you, one step at a time.
One of my favorite resources during these times was the devotional Jesus Calling. It was like every letter was written for me on that exact day. I highly recommend <3 <3 <3.