Two weeks ago April and I traveled to Tucson to scout locations for a sweet couple and their upcoming engagement session. You guys, I love this job so much, and I’ll tell you why: I’ve never had the slightest interest in this city–all my memories are of traveling to this “boring” city for summer dance workshops and competitions where we mostly stayed at the hotel. But seeing Mt. Lemmon…how have I lived in this state so long and missed out? This job gives me the opportunity to see more of the world’s beauty simply because I’m out there looking for it.
I felt so small on that mountaintop. Humbled, in the best of ways. Humble is a good word for me right now. I’m so proud of this business and art I’ve had the pleasure of co-creating (I don’t presume in one moment to take complete credit. God has had a large hand in this dream), but it’s been a humbling season. A season that tests the waters and makes me reanaylyze all that I do and why. WHY. That has been such an important piece to uncover and reestablish.
I’v been learning something very interesting lately. Want to know what it is? No matter who you are, how far you’ve come, or how BIG you might be, no one has it all figured out. I’ve spent time with some of my sweetest and most respected friends in the creative industry in the last 2 months, asking them for wisdom and seeking their judgments. I’m shocked you guys (but really, why?!). As it turns out, we all struggle. With comparison, self-doubt, VALUE (that one is huge for me). We all need affirmation, appreciation, and someone to give that compliment, however small, that just might make our day.
This year has brought a whole lot of change: shooting film, adding an office assistant, restructuring behind-the-scenes systems to better fit our family life, and targeting a new market. It is not easy for me! I crave comfort. Not only that, but it has been brutally hard turning down jobs I’d love to be apart of but knowing that I can’t budge or compromise my brand or price-point because it will be a detriment in the long run. I have to ground myself with purpose right now. Without that, I’d have thrown in the towel about a month ago. Seriously friends, it’s been tough!
But that why I mentioned earlier–that has been my grounding. I do it because I love it. I do it to support my family. I do it because I’m passionate about creating art for couples so that they can have a profound way to remember all the joy, love, intention and community that surrounded their wedding day for those tough (and good) days ahead. I do it because I believe the world needs more beauty in it. I do it because other people need income for their families and I can help that happen. I’m clinging to a promise in this season: that God hasn’t given me passion, drive, vision, and gifts without purpose, to be wasted. He gives them for the renewing of the world. What a small part of that vision I am, but how important that I continue to chase it.
All photos by sweet April. She has a good eye, doesn’t she??!